Monkey's Paw

[Tufty41fUK]

Granted. Leaves Earth, discovers "Night" not a concept in space. Trip cancelled. No refunds but gets offered a discounted day trip to Mars.

I wish I could eat as much and whatever I wanted without putting any weight on!

 

[singleMBucks]

Granted, the most sumptuous feast is laid out before you! All your favourite things are there, just the way you like them, and in huge quantities... and not a single calorie to be found... unfortunately the door is now locked... and when it's gone, its gone...

I wish there was a 5th series of 'My Name is Earl' !! ;-)

 

[Tufty41fUK]

Granted. 5th Series of My Name is Earl is made. But it's rubbish and it ruins your memory of the previous 4 seasons.

I wish I'd never watched "Lost".

 

[singleMBucks]

Granted, your memory of 'Lost' is removed... but when there is Lost, there will always be Lost... you find you are Lost... we miss you !

I wish there were more M.I.B films...

 

[Enigma47]

Granted; get ready for the 7th sequel of MIB (Monday is Back)

I wish wine was good for you

 

[singleMBucks]

Granted, wine is very good for me... but makes you very poorly indeed !

I wish there was a cheesecake here...

 

[Walks]

Granted, there is the most delicious looking cheesecake there but it's laced with arsenic

I wish I could play football like Pele

 

[singleMBucks]

Granted, legendary football skills are bestowed upon you, you have the ultimate footballing prowess, but fail to use it... too busy blowing bubbles !

I wish the washing up was done...

 

[Walks]

Granted the washing up is done, however when you put it away it all gets smashed

I wish I could play the guitar like a rock god

 

[singleMBucks]

Granted, you wait at the Crossroads at midnight, for to sell your soul to the Devil, and in return posses all the legendary guitar skills to use in this short life... The Devil is rarely on time, and you wait your whole life for him to appear... should have just picked the guitar up and played it!

I wish someone else was cooking dinner...

 

[Firefly]

Granted: I'm cooking...you're cleaning *evil laugh*

I also wish someone else was cooking dinner...

 

[singleMBucks]

Granted: But it'll have to be tomorrow now... passes dish-cloth... *smirks*

I wish I had hotel buffet breakfast facilities at home...

 

[Firefly]

Granted...you now live in the Overlook Hotel. (I hear the barman tells a good story)

I wish for someone to walk along the pier at sunset with.

 

[singleMBucks]

Granted... A limo arrives early evening to whisk you away to the coast... you arrive at the pier, the sun just beginning to melt into the sea, the new colours and hues tickling the horizon. You meet your someone... he offers his arm, and together, strolling easily and close, you weave your way along the pier, towards the blooming colour-wash ahead.... but he's a Brit... talks about tea and biscuits all the time, and scares you with his description of a fried breakfast !!

I wish for someone to cook a full, fried breakfast for...

 

[Walks]

Granted but its a 30 stone body builder who wants 30 of everything

I wish I had the body of an adonis

 

[Firefly]

granted. It is in the freezer. (I've disposed of the head, arms and legs already)

I wish my hair was like Medusa's

 

[Walks]

Granted but when you wash it, it all dies and falls out

I wish I had x-ray vision

 

[Firefly]

Granted. You can see inside everything. People flock to you for diagnostic analyses of everything. You are constantly hounded by people asking you to "look at this..." from cancer and constipation to suspected pregnancy. You can see it all.

I wish I had a piano to play

 

[Walks]

Granted but every key is tuned to a single note so you can't play any sort of tune

I wish I had the ability of super speed

 

[singleMBucks]

Granted... *whizzzzz*... but there's no brakes....

I wish we had piano accompaniment to this forum !