Jokes, any will do

dicusdiminutivus

dicusdiminutivus

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sirusdvirus61 said:
Because of my dyslexia Im sure she wrote she loved nasal sex?? She asked "WTF am I doing'?" I said "Fuck nose??"
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Reminds me of my first experience of aural sex: as a compositor apprentice many years ago I inadvertentently picked up a chase from the stone without locking it up. Of course the sixteen pages of Monotype immediately pied into an irremedial heap; my Clicker (foreman) immediately said 'If you ever do that again I'm going to stick my cock in your ear and fuck some sense into you'.
Must have worked.
 
S

sirusdvirus61

Guest
Chat up lines not to use : Wow! the last time I saw an arse like that it was swatting flies with its tail !
 
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Thermo78

Guest
A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday. She spent £5000 and felt really good about the results.
On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around.
As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk,
"I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 35,"he replied. "I'm actually 47," the woman said, feeling really happy.
After that she went into McDonald's for lunch and asked the order taker the same question.
He replied, "Oh, you look about 29."
"I am actually 47!" she said, feeling really good.
While standing at the bus stop she asked an old man the same question.
He replied, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going.
But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a woman's age.
If I put my hand up your shirt I will be able to tell your exact age."
There was no one around, so the woman said, "What the hell?" and let him slip his hand up her shirt.
After feeling around for a while, the old man said, "OK, You are 47."
Stunned, the woman said, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?"
The old man replied, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's."
 
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Thermo78

Guest
While riding my bike yesterday, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.
Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?"
As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low cut blouse with cleavage to die for...
"I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.
She said, “Get in and I’ll take you home so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head.”
"That's nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!"
"Oh, come now, I’m a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."
Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."
We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."
"Don't be silly!" she said with a smile, while unbuttoning her blouse exposing the most beautiful set of boobs I’ve ever seen. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"
"Still in the ditch with my bike, I guess!!..
 
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