Jokes, any will do

[Adie]

 

[IsabelP]

My girlfriend said, "I can think of 14 reasons
to leave you, plus your obsession with
Tennis."

I replied, "That's 15 love."

 

[IsabelP]

I have a Polish friend who is a sound technician.

And a Czech one too. And a Czech one too.

 

[Mae]

Kate Middleton had a sore throat - the queen said “have you tried sucking an Andrews” Kate replied “Not since I was 14”

Too soon?

 

[dicusdiminutivus]

- the queen said

Queen consort mayhaps?

 

[Deleted member 77355]

Small child walking through the village square leading a very large black bull
Where are you taking that bull? Asked the elderly spinster
To cover the cows mam he politely replied.
Surely your father should have done that job! exclaimed the old maid
Oh no Mam it has to be the bull.

 

[Mae]

Said to my gf - sit on my face and I’ll guess your weight

She said “you’ll never guess it”

“Doesn’t matter I’ll eat the difference”

 

[Mae]

Recycling old batteries- free of charge

 

[Mae]

 

[IsabelP]

My girlfriend is furious with me because she found a bunch of hidden letters that revealed I was cheating on her.

Now she refuses to play Scrabble at all.

 

[IsabelP]

85% of Britons don't know how to
do basic math.

Thank God I'm part of the other 25%.

 

[Starbuck]

A woman was suspicious in the loyalty of her husband for a long time and she decided to make him jealous.
"My love, what would you say if I was having sex with your best friend?"
"I'd say you're a lesbian!"

 

[Starbuck]

A woman goes to the gynecologist, and upon examination, the doctor says, “Why, it’s immaculate in here! What do you do to keep yourself so hygenic?”
The woman responds, “I have a woman in twice a week.

 

[Mae]

Hans Solo ordered a steak Medium Rare he called the waiter over and told her her couldn’t eat it
‘What’s wrong Sir?’

“It’s a little Chewie”

 

[Adie]

 

[Deleted member 77355]

Lady Penelope and Parker are alone in her bedroom
Take off my dress she says
Now take off my bra
Remove my panties

And don’t let me catch you wearing them again

 

[Starbuck]

I was digging a hole in the garden when I found some gold coins.
I was about to run and tell my wife, when I remembered why I was digging a hole in the garden…

 

[Starbuck]

Dark humor is like food
Not everyone gets it

 

[dicusdiminutivus]

Dark humor is like food
Not everyone gets it

So glad I not likely to starve

 

[Snoopy05]