Jokes, any will do
- Thread starter Kris1973
- Start date
S
Snoopy05
Guest
My friend Patrick suffers from anaphylaxis.
Oysters Kilpatrick
Oysters Kilpatrick
I
IsabelP
Guest
Archaeologists found a mummy adorned with ancient nuts and wrapped in gold foil.
They believe it may be the legendary Pharaoh Rocher.
They believe it may be the legendary Pharaoh Rocher.
I
IsabelP
Guest
I accidentally drank a bottle of invisible
ink last night.
I'm in the hospital now, waiting to be
seen.
ink last night.
I'm in the hospital now, waiting to be
seen.
I
IsabelP
Guest
When Billy Joel's house burned down, the fireman blamed a faulty gaming console...
However, Mr Joel remains steadfast that Wii didn't start the fire.
However, Mr Joel remains steadfast that Wii didn't start the fire.
I
IsabelP
Guest
Thinking of having my ashes stored in a
glass urn.
Remains to be seen.
glass urn.
Remains to be seen.
M
Mae
Guest
If you bleach your butt hole are you changing your ring tone?
dicusdiminutivus
UKChat Celebrity
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- Feb 16, 2021
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Able was I ere I saw Elba
We are all familiar with this palindrome, but how many now recall the back story.
On 25 April 1814, Captain, later Rear Admiral, Thomas Ussher was tasked with conveying the deposed Emperor Bonaparte Napoleon to his Exile on Elba, an island between Corsica and Italy.
To this end, along with Colonel Sir Neil Campbell, he set sail from Marseille to Fréjus, to pick up Napoleon and his retinue and transport them to Elba. On reaching Fréjus the shore party, including Capt. Ussher and Col. Campbell met Napoleon and his retinue.
Napoleon greeted them with the immortal words:
“Á l’eau, c’est l’heure.”
Capt. Ussher’s polite response was:
“Pas d’elle yeux Rhône que nous.”
I shall leave it to the more erudite to translate if required.
We are all familiar with this palindrome, but how many now recall the back story.
On 25 April 1814, Captain, later Rear Admiral, Thomas Ussher was tasked with conveying the deposed Emperor Bonaparte Napoleon to his Exile on Elba, an island between Corsica and Italy.
To this end, along with Colonel Sir Neil Campbell, he set sail from Marseille to Fréjus, to pick up Napoleon and his retinue and transport them to Elba. On reaching Fréjus the shore party, including Capt. Ussher and Col. Campbell met Napoleon and his retinue.
Napoleon greeted them with the immortal words:
“Á l’eau, c’est l’heure.”
Capt. Ussher’s polite response was:
“Pas d’elle yeux Rhône que nous.”
I shall leave it to the more erudite to translate if required.
M
Mae
Guest
I was told that if you missed someone you should masturbate first before doing anything - turns out I still miss the Queen
M
Mae
Guest
Condoms do not guarantee safe sex - a friend of shot while wearing one by the wife’s husband
I
IsabelP
Guest
It is a five minute walk from my house
to the pub, but a 45 minute walk from
the pub to my house.
The difference is staggering.
to the pub, but a 45 minute walk from
the pub to my house.
The difference is staggering.
I
IsabelP
Guest
My boss calls me “The Computer”.
Nothing to do with my intelligence - I go to sleep if left unattended for 15 minutes.
Nothing to do with my intelligence - I go to sleep if left unattended for 15 minutes.
I
IsabelP
Guest
My girlfriend screamed "you haven't
listened to a single word I've said, have
you?!
I was taken aback....what a weird way
to start a conversation.
listened to a single word I've said, have
you?!
I was taken aback....what a weird way
to start a conversation.
I
IsabelP
Guest
The worst thing about living next door to MC Hammer is the constant DIY noise.
I shouted ‘Stop!’ but if anything that made it worse.
I shouted ‘Stop!’ but if anything that made it worse.
