Jokes, any will do

[Honeybear71]

 

[Honeybear71]

 

[Honeybear71]

 

[UnicornSteps]

My therapist just told me I have extreme difficulty when it comes to picking up social cues.

I think she’s in love with me.

 

[UnicornSteps]

I used to run a dating agency for chickens.

But I was struggling to make hens meet.

 

[UnicornSteps]

I accidentally drunk a bottle of invisible ink.


Now I’m in hospital waiting to be seen.

 

[KatieP]

Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.
Daisy says to Dolly, “I was artificially inseminated this morning.”
“I don’t believe you,” replies Dolly.
“It’s true, no bull!”

 

[KatieP]

Humpty Dumpty sat on his bed,
As Little Bo Beep was giving him head,
Just as he came she began to weep,
She could tell by the taste,
He’d been screwing her sheep!!

 

[Honeybear71]

 

[Honeybear71]

 

[UnicornSteps]

I lost my mood ring and I don't know how I feel about it!

 

[UnicornSteps]

The last thing my grandfather told me was “It’s worth spending money on good speakers.”

That was some sound advice.

 

[UnicornSteps]

A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night.

Oof.

 

[dicusdiminutivus]

A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night.

Oof.

Thought you might roo that

 

[UnicornSteps]

Thought you might roo that

Lol x

 

[UnicornSteps]

I went for a job interview yesterday, and the interviewer said, "How well do you perform under pressure?". I said, "I don't know the second verse, but I do know all of Bohemian Rhapsody"

 

[UnicornSteps]

My doctor told me I'm going deaf.

The news was hard for me to hear.

 

[UnicornSteps]

Oxygen and Magnesium went on a date.

Everyone was like “OMg!”.

 

[UnicornSteps]

This morning I coughed up a pawn, a knight, and a bishop.

I must have a chess infection

 

[UnicornSteps]

I've decided, that from January 1st, I'll only be watching videos in 1080p or higher.

It's my New Year's Resolution.