Jokes, any will do

Kris1973

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A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out.

The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.

The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”

The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out.

The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.

The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!

The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an asshole when you’re drunk, Superman.”
 

Nagromnai

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A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!” The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. She drops her pants and says, “My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!”
 

Nagromnai

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Two cowboys are out on the range talking about their favorite sex position. One says, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best." "I don't think I have ever heard of that one," says the other cowboy. "What is it?" "Well, it's where you get your girl down on all four, and you mount her from behind. Then you reach around, cup her t*ts, and whisper in her ear, 'boy these feel almost as nice as your sisters.' Then you try and hold on for 30 seconds."
 

Kris1973

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A man walks up to the bar in a pub and asks for a pint of beer. The barman looks at him and says “You look knackered mate”. “I am” replies the man. “It’s my new girlfriend- she cannot have enough sex – I’m absolutely knackered – she’s waiting outside in the car for some more”.
“Tell you what” says the barman “you stay in here and have another pint and I’ll go out and give her one for you”.
So out the barman goes into the dark of the night and finds his car. He’s humping away and all of a sudden a torch flashes through the window. He gets out the car and there’s a policeman. “Sorry officer I was just having sex with the wife” says the barman. “Sorry sir” says the policeman “I didn’t realise it was your wife”. “Neither did I until you turned your torch on officer” replied the barman.
 

malepantielover

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Good jokes bad jokes all welcome.

During the last weeks snowfalls a guy got hold of his neighbour and said "Your son had a pee in the snow outside my house last night".
"Theirs nothing wrong with that is there?"
"Well he wrote his name in the snow."
"Oh come on we've all done that!"
"Yes but it was in my daughters handwriting!"
My ex wife once said "Can I watch you cum"Looking at her I replied "Usually you want me to go"
 

Hot4u

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What do you do if you cum across an elephant in the jungle?

Clean it off and apologise...
 

malepantielover

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I nearly had sex with a dog in the park last night.
I didn't know my ex-wife was back in town.
 

malepantielover

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I saw two drunk men in the public toilets.
One was on his knees sucking the other mans cock.
I said you can't do a blow job here.
The one sucking stopped and said "I'm not giving him a blow job.
I am taking the piss out of him.
 

malepantielover

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Two drunks on way home from pub,and they saw a naked woman standing in the middle of the road.
The drunk said to his friend "Look at that stupid cunt in the middle of the road"
 

Hot4u

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How do you know you that you have a high sperm count ?
She has to chew before she swallows
 
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