Jokes, any will do

[Adie]

 

[Adie]

 

[barbiexbeatdown]

 

[Adie]

 

[Adie]

Q: What did the paper clip say to the magnet?
A: I find you very attractive.

 

[Odomical]

Make your own jokes up...

 

[Eljay71]

Woman is pissing about in the kitchen when the phone rings. When she answers it, she hears a load of heavy breathing, then a voice says "I bet you have a little bald tight cunt". She replies "yes I have, he's watching telly. Who should I say is calling?

 

[Adie]

 

[Scottishlass07]

 

[Odomical]

Magician on a cruise ship doing his act. A Parrot is watching him closely. Eventually after a few days it starts squawking to the audience saying which hat, sleeve or pockets all the doves, rabbits flowers and hankys are all coming from.

Then the ship explodes and just the magician and the parrot are left on a desert island.

For four days the parrot stares at the magician in silence

Then finally it says.."OK I give up... What did you do with the ship"

 

[GlasgowDoc]

Sadly the Bollywood version of Dirty Dancing has been scrapped .....nobody puts Baby in a korma .....

 

[GlasgowDoc]

Haven’t done much today ....just hung out at the pool ....well until someone alerted me and I tucked it back in .......

 

[Adie]

 

[Odomical]

Eric bumps into an old friend in the street, "Blimey you've lost a lot of weight Mick!. Last time i saw you you were 40 stone" he says

"Yeah but all my skins sagging down round my ankles" says Mick

"What you want to do is get a hat, pull all the loose skin up and tie it into a knot under the hat" says Eric

A week later Eric and Mick meet again.. "You look much better, did you do like i said?" says Eric, Mick lifts his hat, showing the knot of skin under it

"I see you have a new dimple in your chin now" says Eric..

"No, that's my belly button" replies Mick

"You should see what i have for a tie"

 

[Rayspurs8]

What did the boy haggis say to the lassie haggis ??

Wanna shaggis lol

 

[Adie]

 

[Adie]

 

[Bottomboy90]

not sure if this has been said but here goes

What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose.

 

[GlasgowDoc]

I used to be indecisive.....now I’m not sure .....

 

[Adie]