Monkey's Paw

[Koala]

Granted. Now you remember that they're in the fridge. They are now nicely cooled.
I wish I didn't have to cook dinner.

 

[Calazviel]

Granted but the food is really messy and you have no cutlery
I wish I could complete all my outstanding tasks with a click of my fingers

 

[Koala]

Granted. Your ability to click with your fingers comes in handy. You are obviously quite an entertainer too. Your oustanding tasks will soon be completed but you'll spend the summer traveling with the circus.

I wish I was in UK now

 

[GrumpyOldishMan]

Granted. Welcome to the UK. Please gather your belongings, follow the security guard who will lead the way to Processing, after which, you will be accommodated in a secure hostel until your application is completed.

I wish I lived in a liberal democracy.

 

[Firefly]

No you don't. Request denied.
I grant you a kakistocrasy instead.

I wish that we managed to pull the Piston today

 

[GrumpyOldishMan]

No you don't. Request denied.
I grant you a kakistocrasy instead.

Jesus - I feel like I've just been granted socks for Christmas (again).

I wish that we managed to pull the Piston today

Granted.
(Grumpy doesn't hold grudges)



I wish ...... for the fortitude/discipline to actually be productive today working from home.

 

[Walks]

Granted but the only thing you are producing comes from your bowels and you spend all of the day on the toilet

I wish we had more bank holidays

 

[Firefly]

Granted. Along with beautiful British weather on each and everyone of them. Don't forget your wellingtons.

I wish someone would make lunch for me

 

[Walks]

Granted, but the only thing they can make is the blandest most tasteless foods

I wish all this rain would go away

 

[Firefly]

Is it pussy with a side of covid?

Thread: granted, but I hope you haven't put away your winter clothes because you're in for a May snowstorm

I wish the fluffy baby ducklings would come back to my River

 

[Mikehock]

Granted but unbeknownst to us the river harbours a freshwater crocodile, So in the peak of hunger he eats the baby ducklings.

I wish the world was a kinder place to live.

 

[bigtallguy]

Granted. Now you are locked in a giant yellow plastic case with chocolate surrounding the outside.

I wish I could multitask

 

[Intrigueme]

Granted you have had the Edward scissorhands cosmetic surgery
I wish I knew at 20 what I do now

 

[Phreak]

Granted, you're now 20 with all the knowledge you have now, however you're tied to some train tracks and the train is due any second.
I wish I could spend the rest of my life with my ideal woman.

 

[Full_Moon]

Granted, you're now 20 with all the knowledge you have now, however you're tied to some train tracks and the train is due any second.
I wish I could spend the rest of my life with my ideal woman.

Granted. Turns out, your ideal woman is your mum.

I wish I had mind powers.

 

[Firefly]

Granted. You now have superhuman mind your own business powers.
I wish I had been there to see you on the sofa

 

[Full_Moon]

Granted. You can see me on the sofa, passed out, in nothing but sweatpants, popcorn bowl tipping slowly to the floor, film still playing in the background. Room-temperature Netflix and chilled.

I wish I could tell inanimate objects off.

 

[Phreak]

Granted. You can now tell inanimate objects off but nothing living can understand you.

I wish I had more money than sense

 

[Walks]

Granted you have 1p and no sense at all

I wish I had the ability to read minds