Monkey's Paw

[Just-me]

You finish a book you never started

I wish I hadn’t had that last G&T lol

 

[Walks]

Granted but now you never have a 'last' G&T and you become a full blown alcoholic

I wish I could stay toasty warm in bed for a bit longer

 

[Just-me]

Granted but you are now late for absolutely everything every day

I wish the rain would stop

 

[Koala]

Granted it stops raining now, but tonight when you've just done your makeup and hair and you're about to go out, it starts splashing down again.

I wish I was more satisfied with certain parts of my body.

 

[Just-me]

You have the world record for the largest ears on a human, you are well chuffed! Plus everyone calls you Dumbo.

I wish I was still asleep!

 

[Firefly]

Granted, second sleep for you today. Because you have contracted polio and can expect to be bedridden for the forseeable future.

I wish that sunlight would pour its fine self all over my body.

 

[Chump1]

Granted but fell asleep with your sunglasses on
If brandy makes you Randy and whiskey makes you frisky I wish firefly can cure me

 

[Walks]

Granted but it works too well and you will never be randy or frisky again

I wish it wasn't so wet today

 

[Chump1]

Granted but there’s a hose pipe ban and tap has just run dry
I wish I had someone to plump up my pillow.

 

[Just-me]

You pillow is plumped, you just don’t have it.

I wish summer was here

 

[Chump1]

It has arrived British summer 10 degrees and feels like bollock freezing
I wish my antibiotics let me drink claret

 

[Firefly]

granted. the antibiotics allow for the consumption of claret. sepsis sets in 32 hours later.


I wish I had a new hoover.

 

[Walks]

Granted you now have a cordless hoover who's battery only lasts 30 seconds and takes a day to recharge

I wish my holiday starts tomorrow

 

[Just-me]

Holiday starts tomorrow, plane leaves at 8am. Your alarm goes off at 8.10am

if only it was summer still

 

[Just-me]

It’s all gone quiet!

 

[Walks]

That's because it has been like summer lol

 

[Just-me]

Yay I love summer!

 

[Walks]

Granted but it will end tomorrow

I wish I had a lovely girl to give me a massage

 

[Just-me]

Granted, your mum is on her way!

I wish it was a holiday tomorrow

 

[Chump1]

Granted but you flew from Luton and you’re brand new car has just blown up
I wish I’d spotted that speed camera earlier