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Jokes, any will do
- Thread starter Kris1973
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Magicminx
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Stretchit
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What goes in hard and dry then comes out wet and soft?
Chewing gum.
Chewing gum.
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dicusdiminutivus
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Hungryhubby
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What's the difference between a woman and a fridge?
A fridge doesn't fart when you take your meat out.
A fridge doesn't fart when you take your meat out.
shambles925
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beltmaster
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Two lesbians having a bath one says
To the other where's the soap.the other one says it does doesn't it
To the other where's the soap.the other one says it does doesn't it
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shambles925
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Paddy had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition.
It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday.
On that special day, they’d each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink.
So when Paddy’s 18th birthday came around, he and his pal Mick took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Paddy, stepped out of the boat … and nearly drowned!
Mick just barely managed to pull him to safety.
Furious and confused, Paddy went to see his grandmother …
“Grandma he asked, “Tis me 18th birthday, so why can’t I walk across the lake like me father, his father and his father before him?”
Granny looked deeply into Paddy’s, troubled eyes and said,
“Because ye father, ye grandfather and ye great-grandfather were all born in December when the lake is frozen, and ye were born in August, ya fookin idiot!”
It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday.
On that special day, they’d each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink.
So when Paddy’s 18th birthday came around, he and his pal Mick took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Paddy, stepped out of the boat … and nearly drowned!
Mick just barely managed to pull him to safety.
Furious and confused, Paddy went to see his grandmother …
“Grandma he asked, “Tis me 18th birthday, so why can’t I walk across the lake like me father, his father and his father before him?”
Granny looked deeply into Paddy’s, troubled eyes and said,
“Because ye father, ye grandfather and ye great-grandfather were all born in December when the lake is frozen, and ye were born in August, ya fookin idiot!”
shambles925
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Little Johnny Fell In Love, so he asks his father.
Son: “Daddy, I fell in love and want to date this awesome girl!”
Father: “That’s a great son.
Who is she?”
Son: “It’s Sandra, the neighbor’s daughter”
Father: “Ohhh I wish you hadn’t said that. I have to tell u something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Sandra is actually your sister.”
The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later.
Son: “Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!”
Father: “That’s a great son. Who is she?”
Son: “It’s Angela, the other neighbor’s daughter.”
Father: “Ohhhh I wish you hadn’t said that. Angela is also your sister.”
This went on a couple of times and the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.
Son: “Mum I am so mad at dad! I fell in love with six girls but I can’t date any of them because dad is their father!”
The mother hugs him affectionately and says,
“My love, you can date whoever you want. Don’t listen to him He isn’t your father.”
Son: “Daddy, I fell in love and want to date this awesome girl!”
Father: “That’s a great son.
Who is she?”
Son: “It’s Sandra, the neighbor’s daughter”
Father: “Ohhh I wish you hadn’t said that. I have to tell u something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Sandra is actually your sister.”
The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later.
Son: “Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!”
Father: “That’s a great son. Who is she?”
Son: “It’s Angela, the other neighbor’s daughter.”
Father: “Ohhhh I wish you hadn’t said that. Angela is also your sister.”
This went on a couple of times and the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.
Son: “Mum I am so mad at dad! I fell in love with six girls but I can’t date any of them because dad is their father!”
The mother hugs him affectionately and says,
“My love, you can date whoever you want. Don’t listen to him He isn’t your father.”