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Jokes, any will do
- Thread starter Kris1973
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Ctid
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Ste1972
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Do you get a club card bonus with that
Adie
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I'll enquire when I get my cum Quats
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Shywife
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Little girl leading a large bull through the village is stopped by an aged spinster
”where are you taking that very large bull my dear?”
“to the next field says the sweet child”
what for says the maid?
to cross with cows she says
oh my dear couldn’t your father do it?
oh no m’am it has to be the bull.
”where are you taking that very large bull my dear?”
“to the next field says the sweet child”
what for says the maid?
to cross with cows she says
oh my dear couldn’t your father do it?
oh no m’am it has to be the bull.
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Snoopy05
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Magicminx
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shambles925
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A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years.
He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he’s in there, the husband tells his wife:
“Listen, this guy’s an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you.
This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kll us. Be strong, honey. I love you.”
To which his wife responds:
“He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline.
I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too
He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he’s in there, the husband tells his wife:
“Listen, this guy’s an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you.
This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kll us. Be strong, honey. I love you.”
To which his wife responds:
“He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline.
I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too
shambles925
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Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope.
The judge says, “You seem like nice young men, and I’d like to give you a second chance instead of jail time.
I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of drug use. I’ll see you back in court Monday.”
On Monday, the judge asks the first guy, “How did you do over the weekend?” “Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever.”
“Seventeen people? That’s wonderful. How did you do it? ”
“I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this. Then I told them that the big circle is your brain before drugs and the small circle is your brain after drugs.”
“That’s admirable,” says the judge. Then he turns to the second guy. “And how did you do?”
“Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever.”
“Wow!” says the judge. “156 people! How did you manage to do that?” “Well, I used a similar diagram,” the guy says.
“I drew two circles like this. Then I pointed to the little circle and said, ‘This is your asshole before prison
The judge says, “You seem like nice young men, and I’d like to give you a second chance instead of jail time.
I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of drug use. I’ll see you back in court Monday.”
On Monday, the judge asks the first guy, “How did you do over the weekend?” “Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever.”
“Seventeen people? That’s wonderful. How did you do it? ”
“I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this. Then I told them that the big circle is your brain before drugs and the small circle is your brain after drugs.”
“That’s admirable,” says the judge. Then he turns to the second guy. “And how did you do?”
“Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever.”
“Wow!” says the judge. “156 people! How did you manage to do that?” “Well, I used a similar diagram,” the guy says.
“I drew two circles like this. Then I pointed to the little circle and said, ‘This is your asshole before prison
shambles925
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A farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop to have his truck fixed.
They couldn’t do it while he waited, so he said he didn’t live far and would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware Store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint.
He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem – how to carry his entire purchases home.
While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, ‘Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?’
The farmer said, ‘Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would Walk you there but I can’t carry this lot.’
The old lady suggested, ‘Why don’t you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?’ ‘Why, thank you very much,’ he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.
On the way he says, ‘Let’s take my short cut and go down this alley. We’ll be there in no time.’ The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, ‘I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me.
How do I know that when we get in the alley you won’t hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?’
The farmer said, ‘Holy smokes lady! I’m carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?’
The old lady replied, ‘Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I’ll hold the chickens
They couldn’t do it while he waited, so he said he didn’t live far and would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware Store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint.
He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem – how to carry his entire purchases home.
While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, ‘Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?’
The farmer said, ‘Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would Walk you there but I can’t carry this lot.’
The old lady suggested, ‘Why don’t you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?’ ‘Why, thank you very much,’ he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.
On the way he says, ‘Let’s take my short cut and go down this alley. We’ll be there in no time.’ The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, ‘I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me.
How do I know that when we get in the alley you won’t hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?’
The farmer said, ‘Holy smokes lady! I’m carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?’
The old lady replied, ‘Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I’ll hold the chickens
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Magicminx
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Magicminx
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Shywife
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Milk maid goes into barn to milk the cow and sees young Sebastian sporting a raging hard on clutching two handfuls of steaming manure
why Sebastian she says what are you doing?
Sebastian says my brother Rupert told me if I coat it with manure the swelling will subside
to which the maid falls flat on her back pulls her knickers down and say I’ve got a much better idea put your manhood in here and opens her legs wide
so Sebastian does both handful.
why Sebastian she says what are you doing?
Sebastian says my brother Rupert told me if I coat it with manure the swelling will subside
to which the maid falls flat on her back pulls her knickers down and say I’ve got a much better idea put your manhood in here and opens her legs wide
so Sebastian does both handful.
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Magicminx
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Snoopy05
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