My wife and I are getting really sick of this guy randomly leaping out from under the table,raising a glass of sherry and saying "Here's to you both,long may you live and prosper".
Maybe a pop-up toaster wasn't such a good idea after all.....
So this fella in the pub sold me a rare, antique map of the Sahara Desert for only £20 last night....
This morning when I sobered up I realised that it was a sheet of sandpaper...
I phoned my boss's mobile. "I'm on the train heading to the south coast now."
"What?.." He answered, sounding a bit annoyed. "It's five 'o' clock in the morning! What are you doing on a train?"
"You tell me," I replied. "You're the one who told me to be in Brighton early this morning."
My mates son came home from school Friday..He said,Dad,I have got a part in the school play..That's brilliant son,what part is it..He said,I am playing a husband..Don't worry son,I said,Maybe you will get a speaking part next time....
I was asked by a mate,a couple of days ago,what is the secret to your happy marriage..You still call your wife darling and honey after all these years,you must really love her..I said ,the truth is,I forgot her name 10 years ago and am too afraid to ask her……
No big Marines then