Jokes, any will do

[Mae]

I said to my girlfriend - I love you 31%

She scowled and said - What only 31%

I smiled and said - yeah let’s talk about the 69 later

 

[Mae]

11 years ago today my friend came running out of the door crying and he just kept saying ‘it’s a boy, it’s a boy’

That’s was the last time we went to Thailand

 

[Mae]

Victoria’s Secret and Smith and Weston are merging

The new company is called Titty Titty Bang Bang

 

[Secretone]

I went to the bakers on my home. They had a sale on, all the cakes were 50p except one in the middle that was £1. When I questioned this, he said "that's madeira cake"......

 

[Secretone]

I then went to the zoo .....they only had one animal in the whole place and that was a dog .......not going there again it was a shih tzu

 

[Secretone]

So I went to greengrocers to buy some onions, he only one. I pointed at it and ask if he had any more, he said "no that's shallot" ...

 

[Adie]

 

[Mae]

What do women and forklifts have in common for guys?

If you don’t have one you have to unload by hand

 

[Deleted member 77355]

As a bomb disposal specialist my friends get bored
It takes me six hours to unwrap their Christmas present

 

[Mae]

nun in bath, door bell rings.....who there ....blind man .....come in....nice tits where u want the blind

 

[Mae]

Told my mum she should have named our sister 12

She dozen cook, dozen clean - dozen do anything

 

[Mae]

What do you call a Samsung Security Guard?

Guardian of the Galaxy

Even I’m ashamed lol

 

[Just-me]

What do you call a Samsung Security Guard?

Guardian of the Galaxy

Even I’m ashamed lol

Is there a groan emoji?

 

[Mae]

Is there a groan emoji?

I said i was ashamed lol

 

[Just-me]

I said i was ashamed lol

But your name is on it!
You’re a social outcast now

 

[Mae]

But your name is on it!
You’re a social outcast now

Oh well lol

 

[Just-me]

Banished to the bad(joke)lands with all the other dads!

 

[Red_Phoenix]

Banished to the bad(joke)lands with all the other dads!

lmao

 

[dicusdiminutivus]

Banished to the bad(joke)lands with all the other dads!

On my way

 

[dicusdiminutivus]