Jokes, any will do

[Mellyrg]

 

[Hot4u]

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me, April, who created the universe?” When April didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. “GOD ALMIGHTY!” shouted April and the teacher said, “Very good” and April fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked April, “Who is our Lord and Saviour,” But, April didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. “JESUS CHRIST!” shouted April and the teacher said, “very good,” and April fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked April a third question. “What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?” And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, “IF YOU STICK THAT FUCKING THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I’LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!” The Teacher fainted.

 

[Hot4u]

I was walking through the cemetery this morning and saw a guy crouching down behind a tombstone. I said, “Morning.” He said, “No, just taking a shit”

 

[Hot4u]

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class.
She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home.

She read. ‘And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said: ‘Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?’

The teacher paused then asked the class: ‘And what do you think the man said?’

One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly…

‘I think the man would have said – ‘Well, Fuck me!! A talking pig!!

 

[Hot4u]

Two old men were sitting on a front porch just watching life pass by. Suddenly, a Great Dane walks across their front lawn. The dog stops, lays down, and begins licking itself.

The first old man says, “Boy, I sure wish I could do that.”

The other old man says, “I don’t know. If I were you, I’d try petting him first.”

 

[Hot4u]

A loser is having a hard time picking up chicks, so his well traveled friend takes him to a nightclub in Daytona where he tells him that he will score for sure. The loser enters the bar, sees a girl to hit on, and begins to barrage her with pick up lines that he acquired from his friend. The young lady continues to ignore him but finally gives in. She says ” OK, I’ll spend the night with you, but I’ve got to let you know up front that I’m on my menstrual cycle. The loser looks at her and says ” That’s OK. I’ll follow you on my Moped.

 

[Hot4u]

A guy goes to the store to buy condoms. The cashier asks, “Do you want a bag?”

The guy says, “No. She’s not that fucking ugly.”

 

[Odomical]

Two blind old guys decide to visit a brothel one last time

The Madame takes a look at them and decides shes not going to waste a couple of girls time on them, so puts inflated sex dolls in each of their rooms

After the guys had finished they were talking about it traveling home

"I think the girl i had was asleep" said the first old guy "She never spoke, moved, or groaned...How was yours?"

"I think mine was a Witch" said his friend "How come?" said the first guy..

"Well.." says his friend" ...as soon as i put my pecker in her, she farted and flew out of the window"

 

[Hedgehog380]

 

[Hedgehog380]

 

[Hedgehog380]

 

[Hot4u]

 

[Hot4u]

 

[Hot4u]

 

[Hot4u]

A new husband arrived home with a big bouquet of flowers. His wife met him at the door, saw the flowers and dropped on the floor, spreading her legs in front of him.
"This is for the flowers," she said.
"Don't be silly," he said.
"I'am sure we have a vase somewhere at home

 

[Hot4u]

A little boy going to school brought his cat with him. Teacher asks him “why did you bring your cat to school?”

The little boy replies, “Well, I heard my daddy telling mommy when the kids leave I’m gonna eat that pussy up.”

 

[Hot4u]

A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, “Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?” As the shopkeeper’s heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he’s on her level, and asks, “Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy back wabby or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?” She, in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet, cutest little voice, “I don’t fink my pet python weally gives a thit.”

 

[Hot4u]

Ben asks his new girlfriend for a hand job. “I’ve never done that” she says, “What do I do ?” “Well” replies Ben, “remember when you were a kid and you’d shake a coke bottle and spray your brother with it … that’s what you do.” She nods, so he pulls his manhood out and she grabs hold of it and starts shaking it. A minute later, he has tears running down his face, snot flowing from his nose and wax flying from his ears. She asks ‘Whats wrong ?‘ Ben cries “TAKE YOUR FUCKING THUMB OFF THE END!”

 

[Bigjugs]

 

[Bigjugs]