Should I feel bad?

[GlasgowGuy91]

I'm in a long term, loving relationship but we haven't done anything sexual for a long time (talking years here) due to personal reasons on her side. I have a high sex drive and watch a LOT of porn but every so often I think about having fun with someone online. Is it wrong to want to do that?

 

[Firefly]

There's nothing wrong with wanting to satisfy your needs.
But selfishly satisfying your needs can be hurtful to those around you and you should be mindful of that.

The people here in the Forum are not in a position to judge whether or not you're having fun with someone online would be hurtful to your partner. Only a partner can decide that.

you should ask her, if she legitimately doesn't want to be sexually intimate with you and recognizes that that's something that you need, as it affects your well-being, dopamine regulation and all those other things that go along with satisfying a high sex drive, she might be willing to let you find a way to outlet that need that doesn't require her action but that is still acknowledging between the two of you that you have a strong loving relationship that you want to continue.

You might try starting a dialogue about things like Only Fans or what she thinks about influencers who share their body parts for that sort of thing…

It might be really hard for her to say yes and so if she does be sure to give her lots of roses and love and other kinds of affection to show your gratitude. First steps can be really hard but as you say it's a long-term loving relationship so starting something new could well be worth it.

 

[M47UKHorny]

Yes, you should be fucking ashamed of yourself. Clear out your browser history, confess your impure thoughts to your beloved, and thrash yourself repeatedly with the buckle of a belt.

Then send her round to me for some "therapy"........

 

[him]

mmmmm a very judgemental statement, "But selfishly satisfying your needs can be hurtful to those around you and you should be mindful of that."

 

[Firefly]

Was it?

I thought it was just making the distinction between "satisfying one's needs" and "selfishly satisfying one's needs"

There are very few partners in long-term loving relationships who would deny their partner the opportunity to satisfy their own needs. Especially when those are needs that the loving partner are unable to help with. As OP suggests.

But I imagine even partners in long-term loving relationships would feel hurt if they felt that their partner was acting selfishly. For example, if they learned after the fact that their partner was engaging in intimate play with other people online.

Which is why I recommend asking the partner if she's comfortable with him satisfying his needs through online play with other people.

That kind of communication is really healthy for a relationships.