Anyone else in a sexless marriage?
- Thread starter Hotguy2
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Curioussam21
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Yep
S
sparky54
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Yeah it sucks mate, I had a conversation last year about our lack of intimacy as it was sending me up the wall. It just increases the chance of an affair as well and I think if we all agree is sex is good at home you don’t look any where else. I find it really difficult I end up flirting and dirty talk to different woman. I know it’s wrong but I’m a man. Also she finds it hard to talk about which makes it worse.
Feel your pain buddy.
Feel your pain buddy.
Firefly
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Don't think it's only men who suffer this problem. Or that you're suffering it because you're a man.
If your partner is someone you wish to spend the rest of your life with and they don't want to have sexual contact with you, and that hurts you… some thing is up and it's something they need help with.
it might be that you can help them directly, asking what you can do for them, asking if there are things that you are doing that's putting them off and listening openly and honestly without trying to explain or Justify or minimize what they're saying. Are there things you can change about your approach to sex that might make it easier for them to join in? for example not putting pressure on them to engage but asking them just to watch you masturbate. Being patient and insisting if you say "I just want you to watch" sticking to that even if they show some interest in joining in. you can invite them next time. creating boundaries and being clear about expectations might make it easier for them to reconnect with you. And to trust you
There may be health things going on that you are unaware of. it might be difficult or awkward to talk about, I recommend you get on Wikipedia and various blogs and learn a little bit about what your wife might be going through cuz it's hard and it's isolating and confusing and having an ally might help.
or indirectly, by for example creating time for them to spend with other women their age that they might be able to talk about and muddle through their intimacy issues in the company of other women.as we get older is really really necessary.
I was talking with a friend the other day about broken relationships. He suggested it's easier to let a broken relationship end. emotionally divorce each other and close that relationship because it doesn't work and some things that have broken just can't be repaired.
By ending a broken relationship it gives you space and time so that at some point in the future you can start a new relationship. Whether it is a new relationship with your old partner or because you two have already gone through your emotional divorce you're both able to move on and start new relationships with new partners. In a new relationship, even with a former partner, you can do things differently more easily.
The other thing might be talking openly and seriously about using a paid sexual service. if it really is just sex that you need and your partner is unable to help you with this, perhaps you would be able to get their permission to let someone else take care of your sexual need. After using a paid service it would open up the possibility to talk about having a more open relationship where you're still emotionally financially spiritually intellectually socially physically supportive of your partner and they are supportive of you sexually by having a surrogate do it for them.
Finally stop counting how long it's been since you had good sex. It's not a contest, it's not worth measuring, and it'll just make you resentful and more upset. Leave the past where it is and look to the Future. One day you will enjoy satisfying sexual contact with another human. Your day will come.
If your partner is someone you wish to spend the rest of your life with and they don't want to have sexual contact with you, and that hurts you… some thing is up and it's something they need help with.
it might be that you can help them directly, asking what you can do for them, asking if there are things that you are doing that's putting them off and listening openly and honestly without trying to explain or Justify or minimize what they're saying. Are there things you can change about your approach to sex that might make it easier for them to join in? for example not putting pressure on them to engage but asking them just to watch you masturbate. Being patient and insisting if you say "I just want you to watch" sticking to that even if they show some interest in joining in. you can invite them next time. creating boundaries and being clear about expectations might make it easier for them to reconnect with you. And to trust you
There may be health things going on that you are unaware of. it might be difficult or awkward to talk about, I recommend you get on Wikipedia and various blogs and learn a little bit about what your wife might be going through cuz it's hard and it's isolating and confusing and having an ally might help.
or indirectly, by for example creating time for them to spend with other women their age that they might be able to talk about and muddle through their intimacy issues in the company of other women.as we get older is really really necessary.
I was talking with a friend the other day about broken relationships. He suggested it's easier to let a broken relationship end. emotionally divorce each other and close that relationship because it doesn't work and some things that have broken just can't be repaired.
By ending a broken relationship it gives you space and time so that at some point in the future you can start a new relationship. Whether it is a new relationship with your old partner or because you two have already gone through your emotional divorce you're both able to move on and start new relationships with new partners. In a new relationship, even with a former partner, you can do things differently more easily.
The other thing might be talking openly and seriously about using a paid sexual service. if it really is just sex that you need and your partner is unable to help you with this, perhaps you would be able to get their permission to let someone else take care of your sexual need. After using a paid service it would open up the possibility to talk about having a more open relationship where you're still emotionally financially spiritually intellectually socially physically supportive of your partner and they are supportive of you sexually by having a surrogate do it for them.
Finally stop counting how long it's been since you had good sex. It's not a contest, it's not worth measuring, and it'll just make you resentful and more upset. Leave the past where it is and look to the Future. One day you will enjoy satisfying sexual contact with another human. Your day will come.
Firefly
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You had a conversation about it last year. You can totally do it! follow up gently with her. You are awesome and she adores you. My very very seriously recommend counseling. everyone finds it hard to speak about, but at least she does kind of speak about it. Getting a professional to help her put into words what she's dealing with might make it easier for both of you.