Billbates

Popped into Waterstones yesterday morning..I said to the assistant..Do you have any books on Turtles?..Hard Back said the assistant?...Yeah,with little heads, I replied….

Just been to Tesco,s with the wife and totally out of the blue,she told me I was a lazy bastard.....I almost fell out of the trolley...

Just learnt my local cinema was broken into last night. Its estimated thieves stole around £800 worth of goods . Taken was, 3 bags of maltesers. a pick and mix and a large drink.

I use to date the woman who's voice was used on the speaking clock.

She was so in love with me, until I cheated on her.

Now she won't even give me the time of day.

I come from a family of failed magicians.

I have two half-sisters.