Is anyone a good listener

[Stawin]

I’m in a position that’s so frustrating. It feels like I can’t talk to anyone about it, as it’s with a woman who nobody knows about. It feels like just having someone to talk to about it would really help and get their perspective on it. Anyone who’s willing to chat would be appreciated and I hope we could continue chatting. Thanks in advance

 

[Flexi12]

I’m in a position that’s so frustrating. It feels like I can’t talk to anyone about it, as it’s with a woman who nobody knows about. It feels like just having someone to talk to about it would really help and get their perspective on it. Anyone who’s willing to chat would be appreciated and I hope we could continue chatting. Thanks in advance

I've been told I'm a good listener.

However, You need someone to trust. Do be careful about confiding in someone you don't really know. Take a bit of time to get to know them first.

I speak from hard experience here. On a different site I was chatting to someone I was convinced was 'genuine'. She seemed like a lovely person and so easy to get along with. After a while I told her about things that were on my mind that I hadn't told another living soul. Sadly she ghosted me after that. I certainly hadn't told her anything bad about me that would warrant that reaction. It really hit me hard. It's made me even more wary and 'closed'. Probably never get over it.

I would definitely check people's profiles and posts to try to get a bit of an idea about them first. Don't rush into anything. Good luck

 

[Stawin]

I've been told I'm a good listener.

However, You need someone to trust. Do be careful about confiding in someone you don't really know. Take a bit of time to get to know them first.

I speak from hard experience here. On a different site I was chatting to someone I was convinced was 'genuine'. She seemed like a lovely person and so easy to get along with. After a while I told her about things that were on my mind that I hadn't told another living soul. Sadly she ghosted me after that. I certainly hadn't told her anything bad about me that would warrant that reaction. It really hit me hard. It's made me even more wary and 'closed'. Probably never get over it.

I would definitely check people's profiles and posts to try to get a bit of an idea about them first. Don't rush into anything. Good luck

Thank you for your kind reply. It was good of you to open up that way. I really appreciate your advice. I too have connected with someone from another site and we’ve grown close over the last three years that we’ve known each other. However, lately she’s become distant. She still keeps in touch, albeit not as much as she did. I have to admit, just like you, it’s hit me hard. Especially after all of this time growing closer as we did

 

[Flexi12]

Thank you for your kind reply. It was good of you to open up that way. I really appreciate your advice. I too have connected with someone from another site and we’ve grown close over the last three years that we’ve known each other. However, lately she’s become distant. She still keeps in touch, albeit not as much as she did. I have to admit, just like you, it’s hit me hard. Especially after all of this time growing closer as we did

It sounds like you invested a lot of yourself emotionally in the relationship. I can understand and empathise that it's hit you hard. I can only speak from my perspective and experience, as everyone's different and different things work for different people but I've found talking really helps, however, words alone can't heal in these situations. I, personally, can't just 'forget about them and move on' or write it off as 'she simply isn't worth it'.

For me the problem was one of closure. I kept thinking, 'It must have been something I said', 'What exactly was it that put them off me?' 'Of course, it must have been my fault.' I went over every message, every conversation, analysed every sentence to pinpoint exactly when it went 'wrong'. I couldn't find anything, really. I sent one last message (probably not a good idea) politely and casually asking if all was ok, was she upset about something? Did she want to talk? Of course the answer was 'Nah, everything's fine'. And that was that. It's easy to condemn such behaviour (and I do think ghosting's a form of bullying) but we can never know what's really going on in people's lives outside of the Wild West of chat forums. It could be nothing at all that you've done. You'll probably never know. That's the hard part.

I always try to reframe things like these and ask, 'What have I gained from this?' I know it sounds bizarre, but it's from such curved balls that we gain wisdom and grow as people. That's a very expensive and precious commodity. I simply try to accept the situation at face value. I will never understand it because I will never know the whole truth, so I accept it and try to let go of anger, bitterness, self loathing or any negative thoughts. They only hurt me, I don't deserve that. As the old saying goes, 'One is giving this other person free board and lodgings in one's head'.

Keep talking, make new friends (there are lovely and genuine people on here) and join in some of the fun, games forums, they'll bring a smile to your face (if you like risque, irreverant humour ). Also, check out the Positivity Thread - big 'feel good factor'.

Namaste

 

[Curioussam21]

I'm always ready to listen too anyone . Give us a shout

 

[Stawin]

You’re absolutely right. You don’t just forget about something like that. It affects you in ways that you don’t see coming. When that suddenly ends it hurts, and I still feel numb knowing everything that we’ve built up over the years.

Like you said, it’s not knowing that gets you the most. Just like you, I’ve been over it so many times wondering what’s changed or is it something that I’ve done. I also sent a last message with a very simple reply returned to me. For me that says that it’s time to put it behind me and move on.

As hard as that is I know that it’s for the best as it’s all too emotionally draining. I deserve better than that. Thanks for talking about it with me, it’s really helped to talk to someone in the same situation as me, and can understand where I’m coming from.

I hope things are going well for you now and you’re able to move on a day at a time. I’ll do what you said and enjoy getting to know people here