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I definitely understand the no-UV blues. It makes going outdoors a task, when for other people it's just something they do. Puts up another barrier between you and the outside world. And mine is nowhere near as painful as that looks. Had an accident a while ago, and couldn't drink for a couple...

Granted. You can see me on the sofa, passed out, in nothing but sweatpants, popcorn bowl tipping slowly to the floor, film still playing in the background. Room-temperature Netflix and chilled. I wish I could tell inanimate objects off.

Fun fact: I'm actually allergic. And *still* don't react that badly most of the time. That's brutal.

Granted. Turns out, your ideal woman is your mum. I wish I had mind powers.

On that note, I actually have a couple of such things from an old relationship. Not really in keeping with my current aesthetic, they're very 90s goth. The question is, instead of borrowed sex toys, do we still continue to use ones from ended relationships? I did wonder, for a while, if my ex...

Well, you don't disappoint.

In your case, you need a bit more force. Hair pulled back to look at me before I take what I want from your mouth. I'd tease you at first; have you worship me, before taking your mouth, hard. I'll bet you could take more than just a finger or two. And what a challenge it would be for you, not...

It just feels so empty, lately, doesn't it?

Work. That's it. Just work.

The question is, could you handle me if I did?

Oh look, a lollypop. Could make those *very* sensitive like that.

Irresistible as always, Sam.

Consider my jaw on the floor.

Promises, promises.

Define foreign. True, I speak Celtic languages, but False, if you think this Saxon scrawl is 'native'. TNP is more argumentitive than me!

If you can actually get me to leave the bedroom, I'll be impressed. But something tells me you can be convinced to come back to bed.

Why does this sort of thing never happen to me when I go to the pub? I think I'm going to the wrong places. Or maybe I'm a bit shy? Definitely enjoyed the story ;)

I'm a little sad that, in my current relationship, it won't happen again. Very much enjoyed it when it happened before!

I think for it to be a real confession, we need details!