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False… just naughty thoughts and a ploughman’s lunch at a nice pub out in the sticks. TNP enjoys a bowl of fruit and a bottle of wine in bed on Sunday afternoon with a sex partner.

False… black coffee. TNP is thinking naughty thoughts most of the weekend.

It’s better to cum on hair rather than cumming on a hare - that’s completely wrong… plus it’s hard chasing after them to off load your load, so to speak.

Is your boyfriend a parrot because it looks like birdshit to me.

It’s a very nice arse if I am being honest… it’s splendid - nice cheeks on each side of what I am sure is a delightful anus. Great work… well done madam.

Sham 69

I suspect that Jane’s pussy is splendid.

I go as regular as clockwork… 6.30 every morning - sadly, I don’t get up until 7.

Corrrr… it looks really big and hard.

Thor

Love sex on crisp white sheets.

Is that a real wall?

Evinrudes

Wow - you look amazing… I love to have sex with women in boots but the manager always throws me out of the store… bloody fuddy-duddy.

Stranglers

Nick Lowe

Rockpile

Don’t call me ‘sir’… call me ‘lover’… x 2

Hells bells Bigjugs… you are truly scrumptious… and those lips of yours send my imagination into overdrive… x 10

Meow ‍⬛