Sex Chat and You: Expectations

Porn is all over the Internet, and it's big business. Porn has been an important part of developing the Internet as a place for sexual activity and expression, and has been involved in advancing many technical standards that we all enjoy today. Maybe the rise of the porn business online had done a lot for free sex chats like ours, but maybe it has caused its share of problems, too, namely that of what people expect from their sex -- and sexting, cybersex, and sex chat -- partners. With that said, we have a few words for all adult chatters out there, whether you're women or men, straight or gay:

You don't need the biggest dick.

Maybe you've seen the dongs on those porn guys. They're huge, right? Absolutely massive, and sure to completely eclipse anything you're packing. How is anyone supposed to compete with that? Well, maybe it's not as bad as you think:

• Condom manufacturers and urologists have each done their own separate research, and found that the average flaccid penis stays below three inches in length, and tends to be right around five inches when erect. There are, of course, variances above and below this, but that's because humans are unique! Celebrate your body!
• Many people who enjoy a good dicking now and then will tell you that it's not the size that matters, but how you use what you've got. To the cynical, this may seem like an untrue statement, geared toward making people feel good about themselves while ignoring reality, but it is important to remember that different people need different things from their partners. "Different strokes," if you will. A need for a giant schlong is usually more about power fantasy, and a preference for ones considered small could be the same thing, inverted. When it comes to physical pleasure, though, all people are different.
• Those guys in porn aren't really as big as you might think! Directors know that power fantasy is something our cultures have ingrained into us, so they represent this by casting men with bigger-than-average dicks, but shorter stature, so that, framed under the camera, their appendages seem that much more pronounced. Opposite them, they cast smaller-than-average women -- averaging around five feet and two inches. The combined result is that the pair look to be of average stature, but with one very pronounced member wagging between them. Remember that film is all about illusion, and porn is fiction.

You don't have to be a photoshopped model.

On the other side, we've got the girls in porn. Perfect hair, perfect makeup, perfect teeth, perfect waist, perfect breasts, perfect butt. Everything is within industry specification. Everything is palatable to the camera. Everything is under the control of a director. But...

• Remember that maintaining a human body to those kinds of standards takes hard work -- the kind that leaves you with less time for other work. It's their job to maintain that physique for as long as they can. You've probably got a lot else you have to take care of, whether it be family, young offspring, or your day job. They work hard, and so do you -- just on different projects.
• Not only does the porn actress image rely on her commitment to her physique and hygiene, but it takes the efforts of a whole team of professionals, just like in the movies, to do her makeup -- even for those scenes where she gets messy -- and then some cinematography, poses, camera angles, and perfect lighting. Don't forget that porn is all about selling fantasies.
• Standards of beauty come from mass media, and from the kinds of circumstances described above; our entertainment enterprises recruit individuals to work hard on their appearance, and then perform as much movie magic as possible to make them look more than human. It's unrealistic! The rest of us are real humans, living all sorts of different lives that don't leave us time for that!

So please, while you're out there looking for interesting and beautiful sex chat partners, remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Define it for yourself. Don't let it be defined for you. Be kinder to others, as well as to yourself, and you'll find that people who don't fit these amplified fantasies of power and beauty that the entertainment industry sells to us are every bit as arousing and more, and that the reality of experiences you have after these realizations just makes it that much more intimate.